Yesterday afternoon I got the call from a nurse laying out exactly what to do and what to expect. First item: drink lots and lots and lots of water starting now! Fine, done.
The morning of the transfer
Chris and I sign in at the clinic and take a seat. I am so excited! In no time they call my name and the "rest of our lives" potential begins.
First off, I have acupuncture scheduled before the procedure. I'd read a study that said having acupuncture immediately before the transfer, even if you haven't had any prior and did not have any post, it increased the success rate (http://www.fertstert.org/article/S0015-0282(06)00212-3/abstract).
I am laying there with all my needles in and my acupuncturist says, "I will leave your water here next to you but you probably already have to pee!" I say, "Not yet! So I better drink more!" and she says, "Oh I bet you'll have to pee when I come back!" I take a couple of giant swallows and settle in to relaxation. I think of our journey to this point. My heart has a way of neatly packing everything that happens in life onto a path that leads to a particular moment. And that if any one of those things had been slightly different I might have ended at a different point. So I think about our loss and the indescribable and crushing sadness that came along with it. I think about the cycles of IVF and the countless needles and my tears of loss turned to laughter as I recall Chris so nervous to administer them (: And I think of lighter thoughts too like "maybe this is why we have this big empty "no man's land" extra bedroom that for years we have done nothing with-perhaps it has been waiting for its special tenant." Most of all I think though, "This might be it. This might lead to our baby!" I am all positive-just endless and unashamed excitement that this could really be it! I keep circling that thought in mind and for the first time EVER throughout this entire process, I give myself props. Props my mom had been giving me all along: that the road is a hard one-mentally, emotionally, physically. I'd say, "Mom I'm fine it's no big deal" but for some reason laying there with my pins before the transfer I finally got it. It was like I had to wear emotional armor throughout the process and I could finally take it off and place it on the ground. And as I did so I looked at it laying there-all the needle marks and the stained tears and the worry and the fear-and I think, "Yeah. I guess it was a tough road."
Next they move me to the OR. Nurse Jen is with me today which is so fitting as she gave us our IVF intro so many months before! She asks me if I have to pee I say "well yeah!" She said people have peed during the procedure so if my bladder is "too full" I should empty it but not all of it. Ok so (1) I should def empty some then so I don't pee everywhere but (2) how do I empty only "some" of it? My sister (a nurse) later told me the way to do this is my quick exhales midstream-I had NO IDEA! Anyway, in the bathroom I am able to stop but not when I want to. I am concerned. They kept saying how I needed to have a full bladder a full bladder a full bladder a full bladder. So I drink more water from the sink and return to the OR. I am laying here for quite a while. It is cold and sterile and plain which is exactly how an OR should be so I like it. The lighting is dim and cool. I laugh as I see the "little door" built into the wall by friend MR has told me about so many times (she has 5 beautiful children via IVF).
When the Dr comes in he relays for me again the statistics of success, saying "let's get you on the right side of those statistics!" There is no music on and he mentions this to Jen and says he'll just make his own and he starts softly singing Hush Little Baby which at that moment I think is the sweetest and most appropriate thing in the whole world <3 There is a screen and he narrates his actions so I can follow along. He says if you watch closely you can see the embryos exit the tube (inserted into me). I can't quite make it out but I'll take his word for it! And we are done! Well, not quite. I have to lay there for 10 minutes before I can get up. Gee I have to pee pretty badly but 10 minutes isn't bad. What I am about to say I mean with my entire heart and soul: that was *thee* hardest part of the entire IVF process. I had to pee so. badly. I can't even tell you. I was naming countries of Africa alphabetically. I was spelling cities in Europe backwards. I was doing anything and everything in my power to distract myself from this pee feeling. It has been 7 minutes. I can no longer concentrate on geography or anything else besides my bladder. I have never ever had to pee so badly in my life. I can't believe I am going to do this but I call out, "Jen?" I wait a bit then, "Jen?" I wait a bit then, "JEN!?" "JEN!?" Finally the door opens and I say, "Jen Jen I have to pee I can't hold it I can't hold it and she laughs and says ok you only have two minutes left go ahead." I havent moved so quickly since jumping out of bed in Iceland to see the Northern Lights for the first time. I swear I peed for like 5 minutes straight. They usher me back to the changing room and boom, that's it-they release me!
The morning of the transfer
Chris and I sign in at the clinic and take a seat. I am so excited! In no time they call my name and the "rest of our lives" potential begins.
First off, I have acupuncture scheduled before the procedure. I'd read a study that said having acupuncture immediately before the transfer, even if you haven't had any prior and did not have any post, it increased the success rate (http://www.fertstert.org/article/S0015-0282(06)00212-3/abstract).
I am laying there with all my needles in and my acupuncturist says, "I will leave your water here next to you but you probably already have to pee!" I say, "Not yet! So I better drink more!" and she says, "Oh I bet you'll have to pee when I come back!" I take a couple of giant swallows and settle in to relaxation. I think of our journey to this point. My heart has a way of neatly packing everything that happens in life onto a path that leads to a particular moment. And that if any one of those things had been slightly different I might have ended at a different point. So I think about our loss and the indescribable and crushing sadness that came along with it. I think about the cycles of IVF and the countless needles and my tears of loss turned to laughter as I recall Chris so nervous to administer them (: And I think of lighter thoughts too like "maybe this is why we have this big empty "no man's land" extra bedroom that for years we have done nothing with-perhaps it has been waiting for its special tenant." Most of all I think though, "This might be it. This might lead to our baby!" I am all positive-just endless and unashamed excitement that this could really be it! I keep circling that thought in mind and for the first time EVER throughout this entire process, I give myself props. Props my mom had been giving me all along: that the road is a hard one-mentally, emotionally, physically. I'd say, "Mom I'm fine it's no big deal" but for some reason laying there with my pins before the transfer I finally got it. It was like I had to wear emotional armor throughout the process and I could finally take it off and place it on the ground. And as I did so I looked at it laying there-all the needle marks and the stained tears and the worry and the fear-and I think, "Yeah. I guess it was a tough road."
Next they move me to the OR. Nurse Jen is with me today which is so fitting as she gave us our IVF intro so many months before! She asks me if I have to pee I say "well yeah!" She said people have peed during the procedure so if my bladder is "too full" I should empty it but not all of it. Ok so (1) I should def empty some then so I don't pee everywhere but (2) how do I empty only "some" of it? My sister (a nurse) later told me the way to do this is my quick exhales midstream-I had NO IDEA! Anyway, in the bathroom I am able to stop but not when I want to. I am concerned. They kept saying how I needed to have a full bladder a full bladder a full bladder a full bladder. So I drink more water from the sink and return to the OR. I am laying here for quite a while. It is cold and sterile and plain which is exactly how an OR should be so I like it. The lighting is dim and cool. I laugh as I see the "little door" built into the wall by friend MR has told me about so many times (she has 5 beautiful children via IVF).
When the Dr comes in he relays for me again the statistics of success, saying "let's get you on the right side of those statistics!" There is no music on and he mentions this to Jen and says he'll just make his own and he starts softly singing Hush Little Baby which at that moment I think is the sweetest and most appropriate thing in the whole world <3 There is a screen and he narrates his actions so I can follow along. He says if you watch closely you can see the embryos exit the tube (inserted into me). I can't quite make it out but I'll take his word for it! And we are done! Well, not quite. I have to lay there for 10 minutes before I can get up. Gee I have to pee pretty badly but 10 minutes isn't bad. What I am about to say I mean with my entire heart and soul: that was *thee* hardest part of the entire IVF process. I had to pee so. badly. I can't even tell you. I was naming countries of Africa alphabetically. I was spelling cities in Europe backwards. I was doing anything and everything in my power to distract myself from this pee feeling. It has been 7 minutes. I can no longer concentrate on geography or anything else besides my bladder. I have never ever had to pee so badly in my life. I can't believe I am going to do this but I call out, "Jen?" I wait a bit then, "Jen?" I wait a bit then, "JEN!?" "JEN!?" Finally the door opens and I say, "Jen Jen I have to pee I can't hold it I can't hold it and she laughs and says ok you only have two minutes left go ahead." I havent moved so quickly since jumping out of bed in Iceland to see the Northern Lights for the first time. I swear I peed for like 5 minutes straight. They usher me back to the changing room and boom, that's it-they release me!
No comments:
Post a Comment