Results

I go back for bloodwork twelve days later. Chris and I meet so we are together for the phone call from Nurse Brigette We are waiting in his lobby literally staring at the phone in my hand. It is like counting down to the New Year! I check the ringer is on and UP all the way. Battery is nice and strong. We just sit and wait and look. Then, my voicemail icon pops up. What the!?!?!?!?! It went straight to voicemail! Grrr (turns out I had inadvertently set my phone to do not disturb)! Anyway, we play the message. They give HCG levels in this call and you are looking for some significant figures. Figures widely and wildly vary between women so I know low numbers "don't necessarily" mean it didn't take and that high numbers "don't necessarily" mean it took. We play the message: Beta is (drumroll) 515! We hug we kiss we cry!

I go back for bloodwork two days later which happens to be our 15 year wedding anniversary. We get the call as we are sitting on our favorite bench at Longwood Gardens. Nurse Brigette again. Beta is now 1,005. WE. ARE. PREGNANT! Thank you God!

Transfer Day!

Yesterday afternoon I got the call from a nurse laying out exactly what to do and what to expect. First item: drink lots and lots and lots of water starting now!  Fine, done.

The morning of the transfer
Chris and I sign in at the clinic and take a seat. I am so excited! In no time they call my name and the "rest of our lives" potential begins.

First off, I have acupuncture scheduled before the procedure. I'd read a study that said having acupuncture immediately before the transfer, even if you haven't had any prior and did not have any post, it increased the success rate (http://www.fertstert.org/article/S0015-0282(06)00212-3/abstract).

I am laying there with all my needles in and my acupuncturist says, "I will leave your water here next to you but you probably already have to pee!" I say, "Not yet! So I better drink more!" and she says, "Oh I bet you'll have to pee when I come back!" I take a couple of giant swallows and settle in to relaxation. I think of our journey to this point. My heart has a way of neatly packing everything that happens in life onto a path that leads to a particular moment. And that if any one of those things had been slightly different I might have ended at a different point. So I think about our loss and the indescribable and crushing sadness that came along with it. I think about the cycles of IVF and the countless needles and my tears of loss turned to laughter as I recall Chris so nervous to administer them (: And I think of lighter thoughts too like "maybe this is why we have this big empty "no man's land" extra bedroom that for years we have done nothing with-perhaps it has been waiting for its special tenant." Most of all I think though, "This might be it. This might lead to our baby!" I am all positive-just endless and unashamed excitement that this could really be it! I keep circling that thought in mind and for the first time EVER throughout this entire process, I give myself props. Props my mom had been giving me all along: that the road is a hard one-mentally, emotionally, physically. I'd say, "Mom I'm fine it's no big deal" but for some reason laying there with my pins before the transfer I finally got it. It was like I had to wear emotional armor throughout the process and I could finally take it off and place it on the ground. And as I did so I looked at it laying there-all the needle marks and the stained tears and the worry and the fear-and I think, "Yeah. I guess it was a tough road."

Next they move me to the OR. Nurse Jen is with me today which is so fitting as she gave us our IVF intro so many months before! She asks me if I have to pee I say "well yeah!" She said people have peed during the procedure so if my bladder is "too full" I should empty it but not all of it. Ok so (1) I should def empty some then so I don't pee everywhere but (2) how do I empty only "some" of it? My sister (a nurse) later told me the way to do this is my quick exhales midstream-I had NO IDEA! Anyway, in the bathroom I am able to stop but not when I want to. I am concerned. They kept saying how I needed to have a full bladder a full bladder a full bladder a full bladder. So I drink more water from the sink and return to the OR. I am laying here for quite a while. It is cold and sterile and plain which is exactly how an OR should be so I like it. The lighting is dim and cool. I laugh as I see the "little door" built into the wall by friend MR has told me about so many times (she has 5 beautiful children via IVF).

When the Dr comes in he relays for me again the statistics of success, saying "let's get you on the right side of those statistics!" There is no music on and he mentions this to Jen and says he'll just make his own and he starts softly singing Hush Little Baby which at that moment I think is the sweetest and most appropriate thing in the whole world <3 There is a screen and he narrates his actions so I can follow along. He says if you watch closely you can see the embryos exit the tube (inserted into me). I can't quite make it out but I'll take his word for it! And we are done! Well, not quite. I have to lay there for 10 minutes before I can get up. Gee I have to pee pretty badly but 10 minutes isn't bad. What I am about to say I mean with my entire heart and soul: that was *thee* hardest part of the entire IVF process. I had to pee so. badly. I can't even tell you. I was naming countries of Africa alphabetically. I was spelling cities in Europe backwards. I was doing anything and everything in my power to distract myself from this pee feeling. It has been 7 minutes. I can no longer concentrate on geography or anything else besides my bladder. I have never ever had to pee so badly in my life. I can't believe I am going to do this but I call out, "Jen?" I wait a bit then, "Jen?" I wait a bit then, "JEN!?" "JEN!?" Finally the door opens and I say, "Jen Jen I have to pee I can't hold it I can't hold it and she laughs and says ok you only have two minutes left go ahead." I havent moved so quickly since jumping out of bed in Iceland to see the Northern Lights for the first time. I swear I peed for like 5 minutes straight. They usher me back to the changing room and boom, that's it-they release me!

Progesterone In Oil (PIO) Shots

I have been *dreading* these shots as I have heard and read from others they are horrid and perhaps the worst part of the entire IVF process. And even when you google "progesterone in oil shots" the suggested searches are "tips" "side effects" and "pain." Yikes!

So I don't want to jinx myself here but we are having zero problems with the PIO shots.  I will share my "technique" in case it helps.

• Proper State of Mind

This is the same needle as the retreival trigger shot so we are all used to that by now. Or at least I am after having 5 rounds/5 shots. So really this is old hat. Or at least this is what we tell ourselves.

Carrie: My proper state of mind is zen. I am going to do everything in my power to make this as easy as I can. This is a needle I have had many times before. I know it is quick. I know it is for the baby/babies. The universe is not asking too much of me to endure this shot.

Chris: I need a beer to give this shot. It is getting better though. I hate the idea I am hurting Carrie. <--- This is so sweet. The shot for the recipient is just a quick jab. I really think it is harder for the person giving the shot!

• Set the Scene

Clean up your counter and nicely lay out everything you'll need. For me this includes a papertowel with sharps container in upper right, 3 alcohol wipe packets vertically along the left, PIO sitting at the top, and a cotton square.

• Location Location Location!

I popped into the clinic and Nurse Rachel drew happy face "targets" on me. It is important to administer the injection in the right place. Medically speaking, if you inject anywhere into your hiney the medicine still goes in which is the important thing-it will just be very uncomfortable sitting. So have your clinic draw targets, one on each side of you so you can rotate shots (one night on the left, the next night on the right, and so on).

• Injection

I warm* the target area with a heating pad while Chris fills the syringe with oil (it is pretty hard to draw up). He changes the needle tip then keeps the syringe enclosed in his first. I heat my target and he warms the oil for about 5 minutes. I swab the area, it's go time! I nook myself into where our countertops make a soft corner. I put the weight on the side of my body that *isn't* getting the shot. Sometimes even lifting my injection-side foot off the ground a bit. This helps to keep those muscles totally relaxed which helps afterwards. Chris talks me through the entire thing. I remind him always, "90 degree angle." He counts up to three, very occassionally having to restart the count like when you are young and learning to dive (;

*During injection training months ago before we began Round 1 Nurse Rachel told us icing the injection site beforehand actually causes the skin to tighten making it harder for the needle to break the surface thus potentially more painful. She is the expert. She does this for a living. I have not iced so can't speak to it.

• Post-Injection

He removes the needle and presses an acohol swab onto the injection site (the cotton square is there in case there is blood which there hasn't been since the first time). He kisses my lower back every single time which I find endlessly sweet. He gently massages the injection site for about a minute. We clean up the counter and go for a walk. Even just 20 minutes. Just like keeping the muscles relaxed during injection I read exercising them a bit after helps.

Maybe I am just lucky but the above has been a recipe for success and might be for you too!

UPDATE: After becoming pregnant from my successful embryo transfer I continued PIO shots for a few weeks. Those weeks I was exhausted. I come home from work and fall asleep. Chris would wake me up to take the shot and then I would fall right back asleep. "Going for a walk" was not an option (: And I did not suffer any consequences aside from a very occasional sore hip injection-site rolling over in bed.